ABOUT THE DICK

A WASHED-UP PORN STAR
A DERANGED ACADEMIC
A SENTIENT PENIS NAMED MOBY
A MURDEROUS CABAL OF HERMAN MELVILLE FANATICS
READ THE DICK, READER!!!
A TRANSCENDENT MASTERPIECE OF UNSTOPPABLE GREATNESS

"If you'd enjoy being trapped in a sex dungeon with a fallen intellectual who won't stop ranting about Moby-Dick, you'll love THE DICK."
— A Real Nobel Laureate

"If you'd enjoy watching an ambitious objet d'art sweatily trying to jam limp themes up its own fiercely clenched orifices, you'll love THE DICK."
— Dr. T. Snyder, author of Chode: The T. Snyder Story

"Read THE DICK, Reader!!! What do you have to lose aside from your boredom, your hopelessness, your astonishing ignorance, your chronic flaccidity? Laugh. Weep. Thrill to it all! Then raise my plinth in the hall of immortals!!!"
— The Author

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Dick (dik) n.

1: (usually vulgar) a penis

2: a mean, stupid, or annoying man

3: a detective

4: (chiefly British, informal) a fellow or chap

5: the smallest amount ("she knows dick about automotive")

6: nickname for Richard

7. surname of Moby

Verb

1: to have penetrative sexual intercourse with

Phrasal verbs

Dick around: to spend time idly; fool around

Dick up: to botch or bungle

Everyone's Asking: Who is Whacker?

Visionary genius? Pervo loser? Bigshot intellectual writing dissident masterpieces on the sly?

Here's all we know for sure: Whacker is a horny savant leading a worldwide brotherhood of disgrunts celebrating the manly arts of masturbation. He's the author of Win like Trump: A Guide for Losers and The Many Oeuvres of Dick Hardman: A XXX Appreciation and Retrospective.

In his free time, he creates his celebrated “whackadoodles” and pursues humanitarian projects ranging from destigmatizing amagatophilia to launching bold new movements in erotic philanthropy (e.g. freeholism).

Literary betting markets name him as the runaway favorite for the prestigious and lucrative Henning Cohen Prize.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

to have a dick is to go through life chained to a madman...

-sophocles

POPULAR ARTWORKS

Whackadoodles

A preview of Whacker's forthcoming MOMA exhibition of objects d'art visuel, which will be timed to coincide with the East Coast swing of his book tour (date TBA)